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What Causes Holiday Stress?
The holidays are supposed to be a time of celebration when friends and families get together to share food, fun, gifts, and love. They are supposed to be a time of giving, caring and connection when we celebrate important and meaningful events. Why, then, are they often so stressful and what can we do to make them more fun and peaceful? Changing the holiday season from stressful to peaceful depends upon one thing: INTENT. Your intent is whatever is most important to you in any particular moment or situation. At any given moment, we are always in one of two intents. Put in simple terms, it is either more important to you in any given moment to: 1) Be loving to yourself and others, or 2) Get love and approval Your intent determines your behavior and your feelings. Let's take an example. Peggy is married with two children. Peggy grew up in a family where she was trained to define her self- worth through other's approval - that is, Peggy believes that if others value what she does, she is okay, but if they don't, then she is unworthy and unlovable. Therefore, Peggy's almost constant intent is to get love and approval. She does this by trying to do everything perfectly - the house has to be perfect, the food has to be perfect, she has to get everyone the perfect gifts. She believes that if everything is perfect, she can have control over how others feel about her and she will get the approval she believes she needs to feel worthy. The problem is that trying to do everything perfectly creates a lot of stress. Whatever means we use - whether it be perfection, compliance, anger or blame - we will always be stressed when the intent is to have control over getting love and approval. Because Peggy does not know how to define her own worth, she feels empty inside until she gets approval. Once she gets the approval, she feels a moment of fullness, which rapidly disappears and then needs to be filled again with more approval. Others around her feel her pull for approval, and may also feel stressed in the face of it. They may like what she does for them, but they may not feel loved by her giving to them to get their approval. Sophia is also married with children. Sophia also grew up to believe that her worth was based on other's approval. However, Sophia has done enough inner emotional and spiritual work to learn to define her own worth. Because she is no longer dependent upon others' approval to define her worth, she is free to express herself in ways that are loving to herself and others. Rather than worrying about what anyone will think of her, Sophia joyfully goes about decorating, cooking and buying presents because it's fun for her to do so. For Sophia, the holidays are an opportunity to express herself and her love for others. Because she is defining and expressing her own worth, she feels full inside. Approval may be the icing on the cake, but it is not the cake itself. Because Sophia receives such joy from expressing herself and giving to others without needing anything in return to feel worthy, others feel loved by her giving. While others may be stressed if they are giving to get approval, Sophia herself remains peaceful and joyful. We all have a choice each moment to decide who we want to be - a person who is trying to have control over getting love and approval, or a person who is giving love to ourselves and others. Who we decide to be determines how we feel. If our intent is to get love and approval, then we may think that others determine our feelings, but it is really our own intent that is responsible for how we end up feeling. Why not start now, before the holidays, noticing your intent? Why not open now to giving yourself - the child within you - the approval he or she needs to feel worthy? If you start to practice today being in the intent to love yourself and others, perhaps by the time the holidays come around you can really have a good time! About The Author Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.
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ARTICLES CATEGORIES Holidays Christmas Thanksgiving Mothers Day Fathers Day Easter Labor Day Halloween Valentines New Years Memorial Day Birthdays RELATED ARTICLES Colored Contacts For Halloween - Make Sure YOU Dont Go Bump In The Night! Ok, the end of October is approaching, and you desperately want some colored contacts for Halloween. Why? Well, possibly because no one else will have any, maybe because you like to go that extra yard when you dress up, or maybe you want to get your own back on one of the neighbours kids for frightening your cat. Keeping it Simple this Season It's back. The holiday season and all the challenges that come with it! This is the time when we are most tempted to overdo things - shopping, partying, spending. Tis The Season I was listening to one of my favorite radio talk programs today. The topic of the hour was "do you feel burdened by Christmas?" Much to my amazement the host, and the majority of his guests, spent the better part of an hour whining and moaning about the burdensome nature of the holiday season. Scary halloween Masks There are countless Halloween masks available today. At Halloween specialty stores and online shops, you will find a mask in the likeness of every ghoul, alien, and creepy character of any and every variety. The Gift My Brother Couldnt Give From the book A Heartland Christmas CollectionIn the first years after my brothers, sister, and I left home, there were several Christmases in which our ability to give fell far short of our desire. In fact, we often found ourselves getting very creative if we were going to give any Christmas presents at all. Important Chinese Festivals Chinese New Year/Lunar New Year (January/February)It is usually in the winter of a year. The exact date would follow the one in Lunar Calendar. Corporate Holiday Gift Ideas Start With a Possibilities List Plan ahead this year for your corporate clients and associates holiday gifts.Now is the time to prepare for this year's corporate holiday gift ideas. Perfect Presents for Mom Every year we search our brains for a unique, exciting gift for Mom. We have bought flowers, candy, jewelry, pictures of our kids and us. Honoring our Fathers This weekend as we celebrate Father's Day, take an opportunity to express gratitude for the many wonderful fathers we see giving their love, support and guidance to our children on a daily basis.Personally, in my own life, I am surrounded by them. Traditional Anniversary Gifts Year by Year, the Twentieth - One Hundred Years Twentieth through the twenty-fourth anniversaries traditional gift is china. Vintage china tea cups, bone china ornaments or a replacement piece for your own china are presents to consider along with a table for two at a Chinese restaurant or a trip to China. Holiday Health: Give Get-Fit Gifts 'Tis the season to celebrate -- and a time to eat! Most of us gain a few pounds during the holiday season. With family dinners, holiday parties and gift baskets loaded with goodies, who thinks of staying fit?Instead of giving a pyramid of chocolate, a basket of tempting treats or a bottle of bubbly this year, why not be different? Give your loved ones a Holiday Health Kit to start out the New Year right. 5 Tips to Reduce Holiday Depression As the holidays approach each year, more and more people suffer from Holiday Depression.Some experts blame it on factors relating to nutrition. The Holiday Army Here it comes again - the Holiday Army - in its annual march against us. Some of its generals are called "Thanksgiving," "Christmas," "Hanukah," "New Year's Eve" and "New Year's Day. Holiday Dieting: A Sweet Way To Cheat! If your diet is making you a humbug this season, there's some good news. Turns out dark chocolate, that decadent confection, may actually be good for you!Yes, recently conducted studies published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition have shown that a dose of dark chocolate will heed all sorts of healthy results. Secrets to a Stress Free Holiday December and all the excitement that comes with it can either be one of the most pleasant times of year or one of the most stressful. Even though the holidays are a couple of months away, there are things you can do to make it an extremely pleasant season. Quick and Easy Holiday Decorating You're tired. You've worked hard all week. Christmas Tree Topper Ornaments From my childhood memories, pride of place on the top of Christmas tree always went to a fairy dressed in white. Or was it an angel? No, I'm sure it was the Christmas fairy; and she was usually last to go on the tree apart from the tinsel. Easter Flowers Easter is Sunday, March 27th! Don't forget the flowers! Your spring celebration is the perfect setting for beautiful flowers! You can also have a lovely floral gift delivered to your loved ones for Easter!A popular choice for Easter is the Easter lily. The Easter lily's true name is Bermuda lily. Thanksgiving I was not planning to write this article. Instead, I was going to publish an article about integrity. Cashless Gifts Sometimes gifts that are truly from your heart have no cash value. But the value to the recipient can be more than any amount of money could provide. 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